“Kiss me–full on the mouth! Yes! For your love is better than wine, headier than your aromatic oils.” – Songs 1: 2 – 3a (The Message Bible)

Introduction:

It was question time after giving a talk on the topic, “A Honourable Marriage In All.” Those who have questions were asked to write their questions, and they did. When the questions were handed over to me I tried to sort and group them, then I saw that about 10 percent of the questions were on kissing. Questions on kissing could not be said to be out of place or irrelevant because the talk was on sex and the audience was made up of few married young adults (whose marriages were still under five) and many single young adults and young people. But, I didn’t expect such a question because, one, in our days, we dare not ask such a question in a religious meeting like this. The rule then for singles was “six feet apart.” How do you kiss someone six feet away from you? Two, to be sincere, I don’t know what to say because kissing is foreign to both the religious tradition and culture of the audience and mine.

So, guess what I did. I attempted to answer every other question but avoided all the questions on kissing. Then some people in the audience, I guess, those who asked the questions, raised their voices in protest that their questions were not answered. “What question is that?” I asked in self defence. One young man stood up and said, “Sir, please help us on the question about kissing.” Then, I understood that this is an issue among singles today. But I have told you, I didn’t know what to say. So guess what I did; I said, “Kissing? Well, Judas kissed Jesus to betray Him.” Those young people were disappointed. And I was not pleased too. Since then, I have decided to study to know all I could on this subject matter. This write up is the outcome of my findings.

Kissing: What Is It?

To kiss is “to touch with the lips as a sign of love or in greetings or farewell.” The above definition, found in about three or four dictionaries word for word, like other lexicon definitions has some deficiencies. One, kissing is a complex behaviour and sometimes goes beyond the lips. Two, although the definition tries to include not only the meaning of the word but also the purpose of the action – “sign of love… greetings or farewell” – purpose of kissing is more than the three given. But let us just begin our study from there.

Origin of Kissing:

Anthropologists find it difficult to conclude as to whether kissing is a learned or an instinctive behaviour because kissing can be likened to grooming behaviour seen among some animals that the mothers chew food before giving to their children. It is interesting that kissing in humans is postulated to have evolved from similar behaviour (the direct mouth-to-mouth regurgitation of food from parent to offspring) among human. Deep human kisses (kisses that involve the tongue) is likened to kiss-feeding in which the tongue is used to push food from the mouth of the mother to the child with the child receiving both the mother’s food and tongue in sucking movements. The only difference is that in deep-kisses there is no chewed food to receive it is only the tongue that is received and sucked. If this guess is right, then, one can say that kissing originated from a deep love of a mother and her desire to see that her child survives at all cost.

Types of Kissing: Kissing can be classified into two, namely, non sexual and sexual kissing.

1. Non Sexual Kisses:

a. Kisses on the Cheek: Female friends and close acquaintances commonly offer reciprocal kisses on the cheek as a greeting or farewell. Male and female friends sometimes offer reciprocal kisses on the cheeks, but men don’t. Instead, they greet each other with a handshake. In some countries a single kiss is the custom, while in others a kiss on each cheek is the norm. A kiss on the cheek of a child is to show affection.

b. Kiss on the Forehead: A kiss on the forehead of a child is meant to comfort the child.

c. Air Kiss: This involves kissing in the air near the cheek, with the cheeks touching or not. After a first date, it is common for the couple to give each other a quick kiss on the cheek on parting, to indicate that a good time was had and perhaps to indicate an interest in another meeting. It is becoming more common in the United States.

d. A Symbolic Kiss or Flying Kiss: A kiss can be “blown” to another by kissing the fingertips and then blowing the fingertips, pointing them in the direction of the recipient. This is used to convey affection, usually when parting or when the partners are physically distant but can view each other. Blown kisses are also used when a person wishes to convey affection to a large crowd or audience. It is frequent in Western cultures. The term flying kiss is used in India to describe a blown kiss.

e. Correspondence Kiss: Since about 1763, a kiss has been represented by the letter “X” in written correspondence

f. Stage or Screen Kiss: Kissing may be faked on stage or screen by using the thumbs as a barrier for the lips and turning away so that the audience is unable to see the act.

g. Christmas or New Year’s Eve Kiss: In some Western cultures it is considered good luck to kiss someone on Christmas or on New Year’s Eve, especially beneath a sprig of mistletoe.

h. Bride and Groom Kiss: It is a common practice that the bride and the groom usually kiss at the end of the wedding ceremony. “Power of Two” explained that, in ancient Rome, a kiss was a legal bond that sealed contracts, and because marriage was seen as a contract it would not be legal without the kiss. It is however important to note that marriage, according to the Bible, is not a contract but a covenant (Malachi 2: 14).

2. Sexual Kissing:

Kissing is a complex behavior. One, it requires significant muscular coordination of a total of 34 facial muscles and 112 postural muscles. The most important muscle involved is the kissing muscle or orbicularis oris muscle (in medical term). Two, kissing involves the use of the lips. The lips are pulled together by the kissing muscle. Lips, as they are, have many nerves ending which make them sensitive to touch and bite. The sensitivity of the lips makes them an erotic zone. Mere touching of the lips of two lovers (two people who have “feelings” for each other) sends messages to their brains and both of them are sexually aroused. In modern Western culture, kissing on the lips is most commonly an expression of affection. But when lips are pressed together for an extended period, usually accompanied with an embrace, it is an expression of romantic and sexual desire. Three, there are times when kissing involves the opening of mouth, to allow the other person to suck the lips or move the tongue into his mouth as it happens in what is called “deep kissing.” French kissing belongs to this class of sexual kissing.

Kissing and Culture:

Although anthropologists are yet to conclude as to whether kissing is a learned or an instinctive behaviour, kissing is not universal. A significant percentage of humanity does not kiss. For instance kissing was relatively unimportant in Sub-Saharan African, Asiatic, Polynesian and possibly in some Native American cultures until European colonization. Moreover, kissing was only used as a sign of affection towards children and had no sexual undertones among the Andamanese.

Kissing in/and Religious Traditions:

1. Hindus: The Hindus sometimes kiss the floor of a temple as a form of worship.

2. Pagan Religions: In Ancient Rome and among some other modern idol worships, worshippers kiss their hands and wave it at the deity in adoration. Throwing kisses to the sun and to the moon, as well as to the images of the gods was common among primitive cultures.

3. Jewish Religion: The Jews kiss the Western wall of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem, and other religious articles during prayer such as the Torah, usually by touching their hand, Tallis, or Siddur (prayerbook) to the Torah and then kissing it. Jewish law prohibits kissing members of the opposite sex, except for spouses and certain close relatives.

4. Islam: Kissing is not a sin in Islam. Muslims are permitted, as an act of worship, to kiss the Black Stone during the holy pilgrimage to Mecca. Besides, a kiss on the cheek is a very common form of greeting among members of the same sex in most Islamic countries as it is done in the south European countries. Kissing is, however, not permitted between a man and woman who are not married or closely related by blood or marriage in traditional Islamic cultures.

5. Roman Catholic: In the Roman Catholic Order of Mass, the bishop or priest celebrant bows and kisses the altar, reverencing it, upon arriving at the altar during the entrance procession before Mass and upon leaving at the recessional at the closing of Mass; if a deacon is assisting, he bows low before the altar but does not kiss it. The kiss of peace was an apostolic custom, and continues to be one of the rites in the Eucharistic services of Roman Catholics. Catholics will kiss rosary beads as a part of prayer, or kiss their hand after making the sign of the cross. It is also common to kiss the wounds on a crucifix, or any other image of Christ’s Passion. Visitors to the Pope traditionally kiss his foot.

6. Eastern Catholic and Eastern Orthodox Christians: Eastern Catholic and Eastern Orthodox Christians often kiss the icons around the church on entering; they will also kiss the cross and/or the priest’s hand in certain other customs in the Church, such as confession or receiving a blessing.

7. Christians: The holy kiss or kiss of peace is a traditional part of most Christian worship, though often replaced with an embrace or handshake today in Western cultures.

The Bible and Kissing: Kissing was a common practice among the people of the Bible. It was their custom to kiss the mouth and also the beard (2 Samuel 20: 9), as the Arabs still do today. Kissing the hand is not biblical, according to Tabor. The Bible records the use of kissing in both sexual and non sexual ways.

1. Non Sexual Kisses in the Bible:Non sexual kiss was seen practised for the first time in Genesis, 27:26, when Isaac kissed his son Jacob before pronouncing blessing on him. Afterwards it is reportedly done in so many other places and for various purposes which include:

a. Kiss of Subjection: Samuel kissed Saul after anointing him as king of Israel (1 Samuel 10: 1) this is called kiss of subjection.

b. Kiss of Reconciliation: King David kissed Absalom as a sign of reconciliation after Absalom had been banished from the presence of the king for some years for killing Amnon his half brother (2 Samuel 14:33).

c. Kiss of Welcome and/or Farewell: When Moses’ father-in-law visited Moses in the wilderness; Moses went out to meet him. On seeing him, he bowed down and kissed him as way of saying, “You’re welcome.” (Exodus 18:7) Orpah gave her mother-in-law a “good bye kiss” when she was about to leave her (Ruth 1:14).

d. Kiss of Admiration and Humble Gratitude: The Psalmist admonished kings of nations to give kiss of admiration to God’s Anointed Servant (Psalms 2:12). In the city of Nain, a woman described as “a sinner” kissed Jesus’ feet in humble gratitude after washing his feet with her tears, and wiping them with the hair of her head (Luke 7:38)

e. Hypocritical Kisses: 2 Samuel 15: 5 – 6 reports how Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel through hypocritical kisses.

f. Kiss of Betrayal / “The Kiss of Judas”: The gospels of Matthew, Mark and Luke report how Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss (Matthew 26: 48; Mark 14: 44; Luke 22: 47, 48).

2. Sexual Kisses:

The act of kissing in the sexual sense is clearly seen in Songs 1: 2 – 3a where a lover (the Shulammite girl) invited her beloved (the Shepherd-lover) for a deep kiss. The Message Bible puts it this way: “Kiss me–full on the mouth! Yes! For your love is better than wine, headier than your aromatic oils.”

Kissing and Laws:

The law of some countries forbid kissing in the public. For instance, in India, public display of affection is a criminal offense under Section 294 of the Indian Penal Code, 1860 with a punishment of imprisonment of up to three months, or a fine, or both. Those displaying affection in the country are at danger of being attacked by vigilante groups. The police and lower courts have also used the law to harass and prosecute couples engaging in acts such as kissing in public. However, there are a number of landmark cases in which the higher courts have dismissed obscenity proceeding against kissing couples.

India is not the only country that forbids public display of affection. In 2007, two people were fined and jailed for a month after kissing and hugging in public in Dubai. In 2008, Singapore’s Media Development Authority fined cable firm StarHub after it broadcast an advertisement showing two women kissing.

Benefits of Kissing:

1. Health Benefits of Kissing: Kissing, and of course, affection generally, has stress-reducing effects. It can also cause the adrenal glands to release epinephrine and norepinephrine (adrenaline and noradrenaline) into the blood, thereby causing an adrenaline rush, which makes the heart pumps faster. Furthermore, an experiment by Dr. Alexander DeWees, revealed that a passionate kiss generally burns up to 2–3 calories per minute. Kissing also lowers the cholesterol levels.

2. Reduction of Perceived Stress in Relationship In relationship, kissing has the benefit of reducing perceived stress. A particular study of kissing in a controlled experiment revealed that increasing the frequency of kissing in marital and cohabiting relationships results in a reduction of perceived stress, and an increase in relationship satisfaction.

The Dangers of Kissing:

1. Disease Transmission: Kissing can result in the transmission of diseases, including mononucleosis, allergic reactions to nuts and drugs, and herpes, when the infectious virus is present in saliva. Although, HIV infection is not transmitted through saliva, a woman was infected with HIV via kissing in 1997. The explanation given for this was that both the woman and the infected man had gum disease, so transmission was through the man’s blood, not through saliva.

2. “Casual” and Extra-marital Sex: Kissing can lead to casual and extra-marital sex. This reminds me of a Nolywood home video – “More than a Kiss” that I watched some years ago. The lady was a journalist and was working for a private news magazine as editor. She was about to lose her job because the magazine was not selling. She was introduced to a freelance writer whose articles turned around the fate of the magazine. Filled with joy, the lady editor gave the freelance writer a kiss – non-sexual kiss – I will call the first kiss. But as times went by, the non sexual kiss developed into deep kiss and finally, the freelance writer stopped writing because he needed “more than a kiss.” Therefore, singles who have decided to abstain from sex outside marriage and the married who do not want to cheat on their spouses should abstain from kissing because what is meant to be “ordinary” non sexual kissing can lead to sexual kissing and sexual kissing can eventually lead to “casual” and extra-marital sex.

Conclusion:

Having said all these, I think there are a number of questions a right thinking person should attempt to answer before responding to the invitation, “Kiss me,” anyone might give. Otherwise, one might find him/her self in trouble. When Jesus saw Judas coming to give Him a kiss of betrayal, He quickly attacked him by asking, “Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?” (Luke 22: 48b) Learning from and imitating Jesus is never out of place.