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The FHL in the name simply means Faith, Hope and Love. We are an instrument, in the hand of God, for helping people find joy, peace and fulfilment in family relationships through the application of Biblical principles. We offer practical helps to individuals and families facing challenges in family life matters.
Moses my son, Zip my daughter
Moses, My Son consists series of letters written by a father to his beloved teenage son educating and preparing his mind towards the challenges he is likely to face in life. It points out that accepting responsibilities and challenges is a keyword for success in life.
Zip, My Daughter answers some of the questions bothering the minds of girls, their parents, and their workers.
This book Moses, My Son; Zip, My Daughter is a blueprint for all adolescent and their parents, guardians, teachers, counselors, and Christian leaders.
WHAT MAKES US SPECIAL
OUR SERVICES
We believe in the art and science of Biblical counseling, a practice based on counseling methods and Biblical truth. The difference between Biblical counseling and other counseling approaches is the Word of God, which has power to bring about a permanent change of heart, mind, and will. Biblical counseling teaches that relying on Christ is ultimately how we find and keep the strength to make change last.
WHAT PEOPLE SAY
"It's been a blessing to be able to tune into Bible Answer to Your Marriage Question every Tuesday. Thank you for helping me find joy, peace and fulfilment in my family relationships through the application of Biblical principles and may the Lord continue to bless the ministry He's given to you."
"Dear FHL Family Life, On a couple of different times the Lord has allowed me to listen to Bible Answer to Your Marriage Question. It has been truly a blessing, one of the times was tonight. Truly my soul waiteth upon God: from him cometh my salvation. Praise the Lord for your ministry. Have a great day in the Lord!"
"Thank you Daddy, I've forgot to tell you, that since I listen to your message, I gave a biblical calendar to a lady and she said that the word were so deep! Imagine, someone without the Spirit saying that! I give the glory to our God but I want to thank you for sharing your message. God bless your ministry!"
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This question is a little bit difficult because it requires a biblical answer for a concept that is not mentioned in the Bible at all. How do you say categorically that this is what the Bible says about the right time to enter into courtship when the word courtship cannot be found in the Bible? This does not mean that the concept of courtship contradicts the Bible. No! It simply means that the practice was strange to the culture of the people of Bible times. The common practice was arranged marriage. What I want to do, therefore, is to attempt to establish the right time to enter into marriage; and then suggest the time to enter into courtship which is the period before the engagement and the wedding.
Looking at the Bible, it is difficult to determine the right age to marry. If for instance, marriage was done a year before the arrival of the first child, then Seth got married at 104 (Gen 5: 6); Enosh got married at 89 (Gen. 5: 9); Cainan got married at 69 (Gen 5: 12); Mahalalel got married at 64 (Gen 5: 15); Jared got married at 161 (Gen 5: 18); Enoch got married at 64 (Gen 5: 21); Methuselah got married at 186 (Gen 5: 25); Lamech got married at 181 (Gen 5: 28); Isaac got married at 40 (Gen 25: 20) etc. You see that there is no specific age for marriage. Then it is safe to suggest that marriage age was determined by the society. Some 70 years ago, among the Yorubas of South-western Nigeria, marriage age was 16/17 for ladies and 20/21 for men. Before the 1980s the average marriage age worldwide was 20/22. But the need for higher education in the 1980s resulted in shifting the marriage age to late 20s, that is, 27/29. The economic meltdown that started in middle 80s in Nigeria which resulted in unemployment in the country added to the problem. Today, the average marriage age is 30/33 for ladies and men respectively. Factors responsible for this include: education, unemployment, economy and disappointment. In my opinion, this is not good enough. It amounts to postponing the evil day. If for instance, a man gets married at 33, he will have his first child at 34. If they have three children at 2 years interval, the second will arrive when he will be 36 and the last will arrive when the man will be 38. It takes an average of 23 year to train a child through the university; so the first child will graduate when the man will be 57. Compulsory retirement age is 60. How does he train the rest through the university? When will he begin to eat from the fruit of his labour over the children?
I suggest 22/24 for ladies and 24/26 for men. “How is that possible when many are yet to graduate at that age?” You may ask. Well, society’s expectation is that the child will start school at age 6 and finish basic education at 15. After the basic education the child may go and learn a trade or proceed to the senior school to graduate at 18 to go and learn a trade or proceed to the university to graduate at 22. Whichever way a child takes, by age 22, it is expected of the child to have a skill or a qualification for making a living. My suggestion of 22/24 for the girl-child and 24/26 for the boy-child gives both some time to establish themselves in the adult world.
In my opinion, courtship which begins immediately the lady gives her positive response to the man’s proposal should not be shorter than six months and should not be longer than 3 years. One, it is just a period to confirm God’s revealed will. You must have prayed and received from God before you go to make your proposal and she must have prayed and received from God before saying her YES. All that you want to do is to confirm that God has really spoken to both of you. You know this by establishing the fact that he/she is a Christian and you have some things in common. We fool ourselves when we say we want to see if we are compatible. If God has spoken what compatibility again are we looking for? Furthermore, no matter how long you court you won’t know more than 10 percent of your partner. Those who know more than 10 percent don’t end up at the altar. If courtship should not be more than 3 years, at what age then is it right to enter into it? The answer is simple; enter into it not earlier than 3 year or later than six months before the time you hope to wed. Let me add also that, it is not advisable to make up your mind on who to marry until you are above age 20. Psychology says the part of the brain that has to do with value judgment (what is good and what is not good) is not fully developed until a child is above 20. And you cannot hear or receive from God until you enter into a loving relationship with God through Jesus Christ.
Answering this question will help to know the appropriate type of kiss to give in response (if your response will be positive) We have seen for instance, that a kiss on the cheek of a child tells the child, “I love you” whereas, a kiss on the forehead of the child tells her, “Weep not child.” The way a family member is kissed is different from the way a friend is kissed. So it is good to define the relationship between you and the person before engaging in a kiss. Proverbs 7: 13 warns a man against kissing a “strange woman” (a harlot). To the wise man who wrote the book of the Bible, kissing a strange woman is death.
Non sexual kiss is appropriate anytime, anywhere, once the question of relationship is defined. But sexual kiss should be reserved for the bedroom because sex and sexual matters are sacred and honourable matters that should be handled honourably. Public display of sex and sexual matters including sexual kissing is sex abuse.
If the health condition cannot be ascertain, it is better to stay away. Being carried away by mere emotion without considering the health implication could be disastrous to anyone. Abstaining from deep-kissing of a spouse that has cold or cough, for instance, is wise because it prevents one from catching the cold or contacting the cough. After all, “prevention” we are told, “is better than cure.”
On a final note, love and sex are sacred gifts of God for mankind. They are given to us for our good. They are not meant to harm us. The giver of the gifts gives terms and conditions for use. When the guidelines are followed blessings follow. But when the rules are violated what is meant to be a blessing might turn out to be a curse. Keep the sanctity of the holy estate called sex and it shall be well with you in Jesus’ name. Amen.
The Regrets in Marrying a Wrong Partner
Parenting
