What Marriage Is Not

Greetings:

Greetings of peace in the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ to all our listeners. Welcome to your favourite family counselling programme on radio. How was your day?

Today’s Question:

The question before us today is a three-in-one question and here is it.

1. What is marriage?
2. Is there any marriage without challenges or problems?
3. If none, why is marriage relationships full of problems?

 Prayer:

Father, we ask for the guidance of the Holy Spirit in Jesus name.

Marriage Relationship and Problems or Challenges

Let’s begin with the second question,

Is there any marriage without challenges or problems?

This question is the same as asking, “Is there anyone in life without challenges or problems?”

Everybody knows that there is no one in life without a challenge or problem. How inndividuals look at, and respond to the challenges or problems are however different. While some carry their problems on their heads, some wear them on their faces and some other are non-challant about them. Same with the challenges and problems of marriage. That is all on that question.

 1.What is marriage?

A Basic two or three pupil, if asked, “What is marriage?” won’t crack his /her brain before saying, “Marriage is the legal union of a man and a woman as husband and wife.”

If a Basic two pupil can give this definition of marriage, it is clear that the questioner is looking for a definition that explains why marriage is full of challenges and problems.

While we search for such a definition let us consider some “marriage look-alike” that people often mistook for marriage.

Marriage Look-alike

 Wedding:

Many time, when we talk about marriage, what comes to the mind of many people, especially young ladies, are wedding gown, wedding suit and wedding ring. They also think of the place of the wedding, that is, the Marriage Registry or the Church as well as the wedding type (the customary or traditional marriage or the marriage under the Marriage Act) and of course the wedding reception and other things that has to do with wedding. But marriage is not the same thing as wedding.

Properly understood, marriage can be likened to a house (a building) while wedding is the entrance door to the house. Marriage can also be likened to a journey embarked upon by two people who have decided to walk together for the rest of their lives. While wedding is just a public announcement of the commencement of the journey.

It must be understood that there is no relationship between marital success and the wedding.

It is therefore wise to be more concerned about solidly building the house with standard materials on very solid foundation than spending billions of dollars or euros or pound starlings on the gate or entrance door of the house. It is very important to make solid preparation for the life-long journey and not just the public announcement of the commencement of the journey.

 2. Change of Name:

One of the marriage practices we copied from Western Europe is the changing of the woman’s name after the wedding. First, she changed her title from Miss to Mrs. and then her maiden name to her husband’s family name.

But marriage is not the changing of either the title or maiden name. Titles and names are primarily meant for social classification and identification. Both have nothing to do with being happily married or otherwise.

3.  Loss of the Personal Identity:

One of very loaded Bible verse that we often interpret literally is Genesis 2:24 which reads:

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (NKJV)

What does the Bible mean by saying, “… and they shall become one flesh.”? (NKJV)

In the first instance, it means that, at their wedding, both the man and the woman are two different individuals. Like Coke and Fanta, they are different both in outlook and in chemical content. The Bible then says when the two are joined together they shall become one.

Now let’s consider it, if Coke and Fanta are mixed together, what will be the result – Fanta or Coke? The result or outcome of the mixture won’t be either Coke or Fanta but a mixture of Coke and Fanta which may be called Cola-fanta or Fanta-Cola because both the outlook and chemical content are no longer the same. The marital adjustment that must take place before the two can become one will result in changes that affects both of them.

Listen to this, the two becoming one doesn’t suggest either losing his /her personality or identify in the relationship rather it suggests adjustment that brings about some changes in both the man and the woman.

When either of the couple wants to force the other person to become like him /her there can’t be peace in the home. Marriage is not expected to turn a man to a woman or a woman to a man. No! Marriage doesn’t have that power. The man should allow the woman to be herself and the woman should allow the man to be himself. If you can’t accept him /her don’t marry her /him. Marriage is not assimilation of the other’s personality or identify.

 4. Common Pause

Money is vital in every human relationship and specially in marriage relationship. Not many people can be trusted with money, whereas, trust is an essential requirements for successful marriage. Therefore, it is a good thing if a couple so much trust each other to the extent that they operate common purse. But operating common purse doesn’t suggest a happy and blissful marriage. No one, therefore, should force the other into operating common purse. Marriage was not instituted for economic benefits of either the man or the woman. Therefore, couples need not fight over money.

 5. Child Bearing:

Child bearing is divine blessing in marriage. But the primary purpose of marriage is not child bearing.

People have been having children out of wedlock, from time immemorial, just as there are many who are married but have no babies.

Delayed fertility or not having a particular sex should not lead to separation or divorce because marriage is not a baby factory that should be closed down the moment it fails to produce. Child bearing is a blessing of God.

Conclusion:

Understanding and expectations and two factors responsible for many marriages being burden rather than blessing. What is your understanding of marriage? What are your expectations of your marriage?

These two (2) has a lot to do with joy and happiness in marriage.

Invitation:

Join me same time next week as we continue.

Prayer:

Father, help us to have the right understanding of the holy estate called marriage. Lord, help us to have the right expectations in Jesus name. Amen.

For further help contact Pastor ‘Tunde Alabi

08066597576 or 08080177768

Visit our website:

www.fhlfamilylife.org

Listen to: Bible Answer to Your Marriage Questions

On Parrot 101.1 FM Tuesday 8.05 pm.